autumn leaves

I am yours forever.

Autumn,

You would worry and fret about my opinion of you,

You would think I was pushing you away,

You thought I didn’t care at all about you,

But now, with you, enamored I stay.

I have loved you every single day that I’ve known you. The times I pushed you away were the times I didn’t want to lose you the most. I was moving… I couldn’t bear the thought of being without you so I just shut down completely. You stayed compassionate and amazing through all of this. I thought you were done with me by the time I was thinking straight again. I wished to be with you, but I figured you were done with me. So I tried dating others. I was unhappy. They weren’t you. They weren’t as beautiful, smart, nerdy, awesome, or as fun as you. I dreamed of you and I, married, every night since the split. I would think of no one but you no matter who I dated or hung around. Then, before Spring break, I figured I had a shot and I would take it. I broke up with her and she wasn’t coming with us. You were the goal. You were my one and only chance at happiness. I had to try even if you no longer wanted me… And now, after that amazing week we spent together, you are with me again. I know now that no matter the distance between us I will always want to be with you and will always fight to make us work. I will work toward our future together and we will be happily married. I have never more meant words any more than the three I now constantly remind you of: I love you.

I always will.

BLH (That guy you can’t stop thinking about)

Spring Break

So I get to go spend Spring Break in Florida with one of my best friends. Sounds great right, wrong… It just so happens that my best friend’s brother is my ex-boyfriend, whom by the way is bringing his new girlfriend. How messed up does this sound? I can’t even begin to imagine how this week is going to go. I was talking to the ex about my worrying and he feels the need to share everything I’m saying with the new gf and she decides to send me a message saying something about how she knows I’m coming on this little adventure as well and she introduces herself and just had to add “I’m his better half.” Honestly I definitely did not need that tidbit. I was freaking out at first and now I’m really having issues. I can’t  believe I’m still going even after all this. That best friend of mine better know how much I love him for this. I find, in the time between now and Spring Break, I’m going to have one or two anxiety attacks. I wish I could just calm down, take a deep breath, and relax but that is definitely not going to happen anytime soon.

Tagged: awkward moments